So far I have found my Ph.D. to be far more stressful, and weirdly, personal than I expected. I imagined it would be intellectually challenging, but I never expected the degree to which I would come to question myself, not just academically but every aspect of my life. Everyone warned me that Ph.D.s are very lonely, and I'm starting to see what they meant. This project is mine. The responsibility for my success, and therefore part of the success of my supervisor, is solely in my hands. If I mess up an experiment, I have failed myself. If two or three experiments go wrong, I start to wonder if I'm thick. After a year of pottering about and with no results to show for it, it's very hard not to question whether you're doing the right thing. This is normal, apparently, for a first year. But still, it's very trying at times.
To keep myself sane through what has been my first (and least stressful...) year, I found the following essential:
-iPod. No questions, you need one. Chances are you have a Mac, but if not any MP3/4 player will do. But you DO need it. If you're doing a science research based doctorate like me, you will need something to listen to. You may spend hours by yourself. Late at night, early in the morning. Saturdays and Sundays. I have different playlists for different activities and moods. Rock/pop for times alone in the lab, electronic and chilled for dissections, pop and classical for de-stressing before presentations.
-Non-academic friends. After spending every waking minute thinking about experiments, papers, presentations and what not, you need to detach. So make sure you have friends doing something completely separate. I have a whole group of friends separate from my uni friends, who have jobs and keep me in touch with the "real world".
-A pet. When you've been yelled at by your supervisor and get home late after an exhausting day, you need something cute and cuddly to cheer you up. Somehow housemates don't do this too well. Get a pet.
-Keep in touch with other interests. Take time to go to the gym, learn languages, go to plays and concerts. Anything. What I found odd is that this is generally not encouraged at uni, at least where I work. My supervisor expects me to dedicate ALL of my time to my Ph.D.. Other people in the lab often seem astounded that there are other sides to me than being a scientist, that I could possibly be good at art or sports. I am not a scientist. I DO research, I STUDY science, but it's not what I am.
-Keep an eye on prospective careers. Everyone I know who is doing a Ph.D., bar none (worryingly), has not planned what they will do afterwards. Of course it's easy to say they should have planned, when in fact the final year of a Ph.D. is all consuming and it's very hard to think about anything else. But still. Keep an eye out for opportunities, have something to look forward to at the end of the tunnel!
-You might need to give up dating... Shocker I know. I was told this when I first started, and I laughed. I was told that Ph.D.s and boyfriends are mutually exclusive, and I didn't believe it. Now, a year in, I think there is definite truth to it. My priorities have shifted. It takes all of my energy to get through the week. I spend all day and then some at the lab. I bring home papers and try to read them, but usually in the evenings I just want food and bed. The weekends are my time to catch up on sleep, go clubbing/get drunk and let my hair down, and oh yes go back to the lab and do more reading and work. There is always SO much to be done, no matter how hard I work I don't get through it. The last thing I want on top of this is a guy and all those associated feelings messing things up. I need to concentrate all of the time! I actually don't think I have the time or capacity to have any kind of emotional relationship at the moment. Be warned though, this does tend to strain your relationships with your male friends (if you're female) for various reasons. Just something to be mindful of.
-You do not have to conform to the t-shirt and jeans look. The quintessential academic outfit. As you get steadily sadder the t-shirt may even be one from a conference. Don't do it. You do not have to let your wardrobe decline just because you work in a lab. Just because you're not in a normal office setting, and you're not technically employed, does not mean you should dress like a student. You've been an undergraduate, now you're actually a professional adult, so dress like one. Especially when a lot of the other post-graduates are not English and have their own distinct cultural styles and backgrounds. Sod it, sod them, dress properly. Don't bat an eyelid when they ask why you're wearing tweed. ;)
-Don't just go out to the pub. This is where having non-academic friends can help. Going to the pub with your friends is fine, and a great thing to do, but sometimes you need to do more, and your lab friends might not understand that. For me, I desperately needed to dress up and hit the high-end bars and clubs. If you're British, you might relate to this. In the lab, you don't meet many "like-minded" people, as you may well be the only Brit there, especially if you're middle class. Suddenly you're the minority. Having multicultural friends is a great thing, but sometimes you need to be around fellow Englishmen/Scotsmen whatever.
-Date outside of your field. If you have time ;). For some people, dating fellow researchers works out really well, and I'm glad for them. But for me, the idea of dating a fellow scientist is... quite repugnant. Not least because I need to get away from science once in a while. Talking to other women in my situation turns up similar (and quite familiar, feminine) sentiments- we want a dependable husband. Translation- wealthy, stable, employed, successful etc etc. You are never going to find a wealthy, or even comfortably-off, man in a lab, unless he's a professor or head of department- in which case you will have to compete for his affections with the real love of his life- science. Wealthy men may start in a lab, but go beyond it. This depends of course on what you want from life, and maybe for you this isn't a big concern, in which case that's great. You also might have these worries, but fall in love with a researcher, in which case that's also great. But let's face it, you're doing a Ph.D. in research, so your future financial situation is completely unknown. You might get a job. You might discover a new drug. You might get nowhere and drop out. So when picking a partner, you need someone in a far better financial state than you. Otherwise how will you pay for emergency medical expenses? Cars? School fees? Even "luxuries" like holidays? Having said that, you might find a fellow scientist is the only person who understands the strain you are under, and the extent to which you are obsessed with your work. So in the end it all comes down to the individuals.
-Chemicals... Adopting chemical dependencies, assuming you haven't already done that during your undergraduate degree, is sadly virtually a given during your Ph.D.. Try to make them relatively healthy. Drinking lots of coffee and drinking G&Ts with a few cigarettes at the weekends is the extent to which most people go. But some go further. Don't lose perspective here. Once again, you're not an undergrad anymore, you're an adult.
-Friends in your lab. When choosing your lab, make sure there will be plenty of other people about! My lab is nice and large, so even though a few have left and others are on holiday, there are still people about.Your lab becomes your family. These people are more than your friends. You are united against your supervisor if he's being a tosser. They will defend you. They will share important papers with you. They will lend you reagents, time slots on various machines, and advice. These people are invaluable! Just make sure you remember to pay them back similarly and be there for them too. It's very easy, when you're under serious pressure, to curl up into yourself and panic. Don't- go and spend time with your labmates. They've been there, they will calm you down. This is absolutely essential for surviving your Ph.D..
Fin.
To keep myself sane through what has been my first (and least stressful...) year, I found the following essential:
-iPod. No questions, you need one. Chances are you have a Mac, but if not any MP3/4 player will do. But you DO need it. If you're doing a science research based doctorate like me, you will need something to listen to. You may spend hours by yourself. Late at night, early in the morning. Saturdays and Sundays. I have different playlists for different activities and moods. Rock/pop for times alone in the lab, electronic and chilled for dissections, pop and classical for de-stressing before presentations.
-Non-academic friends. After spending every waking minute thinking about experiments, papers, presentations and what not, you need to detach. So make sure you have friends doing something completely separate. I have a whole group of friends separate from my uni friends, who have jobs and keep me in touch with the "real world".
-A pet. When you've been yelled at by your supervisor and get home late after an exhausting day, you need something cute and cuddly to cheer you up. Somehow housemates don't do this too well. Get a pet.
-Keep in touch with other interests. Take time to go to the gym, learn languages, go to plays and concerts. Anything. What I found odd is that this is generally not encouraged at uni, at least where I work. My supervisor expects me to dedicate ALL of my time to my Ph.D.. Other people in the lab often seem astounded that there are other sides to me than being a scientist, that I could possibly be good at art or sports. I am not a scientist. I DO research, I STUDY science, but it's not what I am.
-Keep an eye on prospective careers. Everyone I know who is doing a Ph.D., bar none (worryingly), has not planned what they will do afterwards. Of course it's easy to say they should have planned, when in fact the final year of a Ph.D. is all consuming and it's very hard to think about anything else. But still. Keep an eye out for opportunities, have something to look forward to at the end of the tunnel!
-You might need to give up dating... Shocker I know. I was told this when I first started, and I laughed. I was told that Ph.D.s and boyfriends are mutually exclusive, and I didn't believe it. Now, a year in, I think there is definite truth to it. My priorities have shifted. It takes all of my energy to get through the week. I spend all day and then some at the lab. I bring home papers and try to read them, but usually in the evenings I just want food and bed. The weekends are my time to catch up on sleep, go clubbing/get drunk and let my hair down, and oh yes go back to the lab and do more reading and work. There is always SO much to be done, no matter how hard I work I don't get through it. The last thing I want on top of this is a guy and all those associated feelings messing things up. I need to concentrate all of the time! I actually don't think I have the time or capacity to have any kind of emotional relationship at the moment. Be warned though, this does tend to strain your relationships with your male friends (if you're female) for various reasons. Just something to be mindful of.
-You do not have to conform to the t-shirt and jeans look. The quintessential academic outfit. As you get steadily sadder the t-shirt may even be one from a conference. Don't do it. You do not have to let your wardrobe decline just because you work in a lab. Just because you're not in a normal office setting, and you're not technically employed, does not mean you should dress like a student. You've been an undergraduate, now you're actually a professional adult, so dress like one. Especially when a lot of the other post-graduates are not English and have their own distinct cultural styles and backgrounds. Sod it, sod them, dress properly. Don't bat an eyelid when they ask why you're wearing tweed. ;)
-Don't just go out to the pub. This is where having non-academic friends can help. Going to the pub with your friends is fine, and a great thing to do, but sometimes you need to do more, and your lab friends might not understand that. For me, I desperately needed to dress up and hit the high-end bars and clubs. If you're British, you might relate to this. In the lab, you don't meet many "like-minded" people, as you may well be the only Brit there, especially if you're middle class. Suddenly you're the minority. Having multicultural friends is a great thing, but sometimes you need to be around fellow Englishmen/Scotsmen whatever.
-Date outside of your field. If you have time ;). For some people, dating fellow researchers works out really well, and I'm glad for them. But for me, the idea of dating a fellow scientist is... quite repugnant. Not least because I need to get away from science once in a while. Talking to other women in my situation turns up similar (and quite familiar, feminine) sentiments- we want a dependable husband. Translation- wealthy, stable, employed, successful etc etc. You are never going to find a wealthy, or even comfortably-off, man in a lab, unless he's a professor or head of department- in which case you will have to compete for his affections with the real love of his life- science. Wealthy men may start in a lab, but go beyond it. This depends of course on what you want from life, and maybe for you this isn't a big concern, in which case that's great. You also might have these worries, but fall in love with a researcher, in which case that's also great. But let's face it, you're doing a Ph.D. in research, so your future financial situation is completely unknown. You might get a job. You might discover a new drug. You might get nowhere and drop out. So when picking a partner, you need someone in a far better financial state than you. Otherwise how will you pay for emergency medical expenses? Cars? School fees? Even "luxuries" like holidays? Having said that, you might find a fellow scientist is the only person who understands the strain you are under, and the extent to which you are obsessed with your work. So in the end it all comes down to the individuals.
-Chemicals... Adopting chemical dependencies, assuming you haven't already done that during your undergraduate degree, is sadly virtually a given during your Ph.D.. Try to make them relatively healthy. Drinking lots of coffee and drinking G&Ts with a few cigarettes at the weekends is the extent to which most people go. But some go further. Don't lose perspective here. Once again, you're not an undergrad anymore, you're an adult.
-Friends in your lab. When choosing your lab, make sure there will be plenty of other people about! My lab is nice and large, so even though a few have left and others are on holiday, there are still people about.Your lab becomes your family. These people are more than your friends. You are united against your supervisor if he's being a tosser. They will defend you. They will share important papers with you. They will lend you reagents, time slots on various machines, and advice. These people are invaluable! Just make sure you remember to pay them back similarly and be there for them too. It's very easy, when you're under serious pressure, to curl up into yourself and panic. Don't- go and spend time with your labmates. They've been there, they will calm you down. This is absolutely essential for surviving your Ph.D..
Fin.
1 comment:
well im inspired with your blog! though my field of study is quite different from yours, i am sure that I can also finish my dissertation, actually i already defended my proposal and I felt exhausted that is why it remained a proposal. anyways i am trying to revive my momentum to get things done,
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